Funny Status

 

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This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.



 I know I’m a handful, but that’s why you have two hands.

 I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket.”

 Facebook should have a “no one cares” button..!!!

 Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend. Now, you help me to save mine…!!

 I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it…!!!

 Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say “Help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.”.!!!

The more I get to know guys, the more I like Dogs…!!!

 Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them…!!

 I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake…!!!

 My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead…!!!



 Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly…!!!

 I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect’. That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

 If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door..!!!

 Behind every successful man is a surprised woman…!!!!

 Not all men are fools, some stay bachelor.

Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.!!!

 Save water drink beer…!!!

 When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…!!!

 Had a really great “Night Out” last night, according to my police report…!!!

 When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often…!!

 In a dictionary, first comes divorce, then marriage

 That moment when even Caps Lock can’t express your anger.



 Movies are shit, I started dancing at the vegetable market today and not one joined me.

 Me: This movie isn’t even scary. Girlfriend: Its based on a true story! Me: OMG that’s some scary shit.

 God made us all different. But when he got to China he thought …Fuck it. Copy, paste, copy, paste…..

 26 missed calls from Dad: Lol, whatever. 1 missed call from Mum: Fuck

 We all have someone’s phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!

 That awkward moment, when people ask: Are you a couple? And you look at each other and wait who’s going to answer first.

 Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀

 When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

 

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 It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.



I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

 Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.

At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

 I fucking hate when I write a Facebook status and some idiot comments ..I don’t get it.

 When ur GF blocks u on fb… . Its called an electronic divorce.

 When you first joined Facebook you never thought this shit would be this addictive.

 Standing in the shower thinking…I really need a chair in here.

 I hate when my friends look great in large size clothes… and I always look like a bean bag.

 I love my ringtone so much, but when it rings in public, I get so fucking embarrassed..

 I accused my friend of being gay yesterday… He was so angry he hit me with his purse.

 I’m so poor I went to KFC today to lick people’s fingers.

 Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

 I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂

TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂

 I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

The only thing I gained so far in 2013 is weight 🙂

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz

 I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉



 Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.

 There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

 I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂

 It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂

 

When you drop your phone, your heart hits the ground before your phone does.

 Hello, modeling agency? Yes! Umm.. I just got 37 likes on my new profile pic, I think I’m ready to go pro.

I remember when my old Nokia phone said I had low battery it meant that I had 2 days to find a charger. :’)

 Dry fruits are just fruits that have become senior citizens.

 The movie ABCD should have been named YBCD coz i clearly heard PrabhuDeva saying “Yeni Body Can Dance”.

 Please donate some money as I want to buy a new smart phone so that I can continue posting on the page on the go.

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

 Give me food and a pc with internet connection and you wouldn’t hear about me for ages.

 

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 We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀

I’ve found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out!!!

If Sunny Leone marries Sunny Deol, she will also become Sunny Deol 😛😀😛😀

Dear LOL and Hamm, Thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say. 😀

Dear Sleep! I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger! But NOW I Lubbb you 😀

Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell…we text or call to say we’re outside…

We live in WTF generation – Wikipedia, twitter, facebook



I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. :p

When people don’t laugh at my jokes I just assume that they’re not up to my level of comedy.

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others… 😛😀

If “Da Vinci Code” has been written by Punjabi author then its name would be “Vinci Da Code”!

Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it’s for your own good. 😛

Excuse me! Ye lijiye aapki soch. Mujhe giri hui mili thi. 😛

Every time I drink I get awesome 🙂

After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.

Bitch is just a term used for girl who refuses dog’s proposal. 😛

What i if told you…you the read first line wrong… same with the second… :p

I am so cool, my selfie is called a kulfi!

Some people have relationships and some people have patiyala.

Be careful of following the masses – remove the “m” and who exactly are you following?

Last seen 1980! 😀

God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me! 🙂

 

      Read – Kiss Status

 

I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins. 😀

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

Life is Short – Chat Fast!

If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.

“I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.” – Jack Handey

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

“Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.” – Mitch Hedberg

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen

Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) 🙂

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.



TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂

I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂

Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.

Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either 🙂

Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions 🙂

I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 🙂

If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂

“I’m on a whiskey diet.. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper

“There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” – Sam Kinison

Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” – Larry David

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

vI am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time … … … lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. 🙂

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.



A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

 

Take a Look – Friendship Status

 

Sometimes its better to bunk the class instead of attending it Cause today wen I look back, my marks never make me laugh but memories d…

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover.

God made coke. God made pepsi. God made me. Oh so sexy. God made rivers. God made lakes. God made you. Well… we all make mistakes.

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂

All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

Never apologize for being you.

I’m a good boy with bad habits 😛

Flip a coin… If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine. 🙂

Don’t worry. God is always on time.

She loves me or not but I love her a lot. 😛

Girls are like parking spaces, all the good ones are already taken.

Warning, do you think its right time to talk to me?

If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Gravity always gets me down. 🙂

If life doesn’t scare the shit out of you, you’re doing it wrong.

I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!

What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!

Money can’t buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE

I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.

Behind every successful man… There is a confused woman.

You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.

How can i miss something i never had?

Hey there whatsapp is using me.

Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.



Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!

Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.

You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it ..

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!

When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…

Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped 🙂

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.

Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..

I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!

6 Peg Loading .. 😀

 

Also Read – Love Status

 

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it

Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 😛

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.

My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.

Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂

I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!

Here my dad comes on whatsapp… From now on my status would be ‘***no status***’ or just a smiley…

Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.

I Like to study.. Arithmetic – NO … world history – NO …. chemistry – NO …. GIRLS – YES!!!

Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! 😛



People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p

In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!

C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping 🙂

Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)

Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.

People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at gym.

Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.

It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.

Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂

I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂

There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.

I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz

 

You May Like- Romantic Status

 

The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂

I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I have time ……. lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. 🙂

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 🙂

Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.

Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.



Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

In bed, it’s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 🙂

GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂

Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits But Ultimately She Is A Mother And We Should Respect Her.

Sorry… I’m not Rihanna. I don’t love the way you lie.

Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. 😀

HEY YOU, yeah I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?